Find Value in Your Differences

We have been told many things about relationships over the years, but the one thing no one can seem to agree on is what is best for a couple: two like minds or two polar opposites. We have always been told that "opposites attract", but then how many couples do we see that are "exactly alike"? So, which is best? Who is more likely to "make it"?

Truth be told, dating and subsequently finding the "right person" is a total shit-show. Most people will date multiple people, and some will be great while others will be a nightmare. If you set out actively looking for "the one", you might want to rethink your strategy. If you spend too much time trying to figure out whether you are too different or too much alike, you are likely going to end up alone with nine cats that are certainly nothing like you. If you want to actually be happy, learn to enjoy all of the differences as well as the similarities.

I think a lot about how my wife and I ended up together, and how we manage to love our differences. When we first started dating, I spent most of my time admiring how alike we were. We are both hugely competitive, love family, truly enjoy athletic endeavors, contain a ridiculously stubborn side, and place a huge emphasis on loyalty. Early on in our relationship, it was these likenesses that carried us through both good times and bad times. We always saw ourselves as this couple that is so alike that it is scary.

Fast-forward a few years. We have reached a point where we know exactly how different we truly are. I am an enigma as both a person of severe anxiety and unrelenting optimism; I have small panic attacks when I lose my train of thought for 15 seconds and yet, I let very little get to me. I have a burning desire to straighten up and clean the house at all hours of the day, and have a spreadsheet documenting every dollar that comes in and out of our house. I have the attention span of a fruit fly (as my Dad would say), and regardless of what happens, I tend to hold no grudges.

My wife, on the other hand, could not be more different. She maintains a very stable mood for most of the day, and when she is nervous, that will maintain her mood. When she has something on her mind, she stays focused straight ahead, and she feels things on emotional level that I could never hope to explain. She can empathize with anyone and everyone, and their pain becomes her pain. She keeps her focus on the emotions of people while my thoughts are always on the practical. As for cleaning, she maintains a clean clutter and recognizes that a blanket does not need folded the minute you stand up. Her fierceness comes out the most to people that have wronged her, and so far, I have not seen a grudge go away without a sincere apology.

The point is while we thought we were so much alike, we are in fact more different than we could ever imagine, and truthfully, I think we have become stronger because of it. There is a beauty to finding someone exactly like you, and you may find that you go forever without an argument. However, our best moments of growth come from the disagreements. Because of her, I stay focused and motivated, and because of me, she has learned to move forward without dwelling on the present.  She has grown in to an amazing, mature person that has found joy in de-cluttering while I have learned that life is more than just a series of steps, but a journey of connection. Do not be afraid to be different from each other and do not fear the early conflict; I promise you will be thankful for those arguments down the road.